I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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