nut hugger
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize
