THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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