I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
