I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Mom said you looked used
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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