final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
