so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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