Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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