We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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