Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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