just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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