How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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