yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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