Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
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i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
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i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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