i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
