i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
