I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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