I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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