just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
