That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
