That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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