I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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