guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
