his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
