He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dick very happy bro
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
