his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.