He passed out mid-signature
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
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But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
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What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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