I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
