I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.