I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
