dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra