it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?