i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
