I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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