Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.