Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
