You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
