Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
