It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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