Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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