Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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