if only i could text you this smell
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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