I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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