Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
