Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
if i died would you start the facebook group?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
