my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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