I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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