I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
