So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
