He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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