i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
