Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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