I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
