turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
