Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
