i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
