you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
