I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
