I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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