I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize