oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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