I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
