Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
