He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i think my cat just said my name.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
