Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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