i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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