what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
