I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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