and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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