Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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