if i can run in heels then i can drive
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
