piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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