she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
