My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
