i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
