If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
